So this week i have realized that I hate Crowds even more.. The confusion of the emotions... the loud noises.. YUCK! I think that i am MORE sensitive to things NOW more then i ever was.. Now i don't know if this is normal with other people.. But I can tell you that I am a Sensitive... I can sense things... *shrugs* I know I have always been able to do it.. But now.. it is heavy.. almost like a Sensory overload and I can't seem to handle it very well. So tonight we saw sis graduate for her First Graduation, I am so proud of her. Anyways, So while in there just the noise alone had me already to the start of a headache. The kids crying and they anxiety of the families had me just nervous and ready to scream.
So I learned that I need to Relearn how to handle crowds so i don't act like a bitch.. which i was tonight. so now on the next day.. and to get rid of this anxiety and headache....
Week 2 ....
Day 3...
So this week has been a little emotional due the fact that I found out some interesting things about my mom. basically I found out that she lied to me about not seeing J again, or at least in the fashion in which she saw him. after the fact she was with my step-dad now. How did this make me feel well I am disappointed, angry. it tells me that she allowed things to happen to me.. it says a hell of a lot to me and in some small way it justifies what i believe to be true. she is and was in NO shape to care for me or protect me.
So everything i did in my life i did what was needed well at least the part of moving out when i was 18. I suppose how i grew up was the direct result of raising myself with no childhood guidance. Interesting how things can be when you have no one to tell you what is right or wrong, expect for the world and your peers.
So after a evening of being mad... and speaking with my honey and a few friends about things.. I have realized that it wasn't a set back but more of a let go of something well more like someone...
Well i think i lost my days.. lol but things are certainly going good... I have realized that i am here to have fun.. I don't care much of what i look like when i dance.. i now dance for fun. I watch people more know too. and i see the beauty in many things. It is strange how this time it stuck.. I have even noticed a change in my husband. I honestly didn't realize that all it took was for me to realize that it was me not accepting things.. and the world around me changed. now i am just trying to get used to it.
