Another year to add to the many years of life i have already lived. Reflection can be a good thing at times. When i think back on my life i see a long journey of not just me but those around me, that have stuck it out through thick and thin and those who have progressively gotten worse in their lives.
Does the advise we give to our friends and family create a impact of them? what kind? Good or bad. and do we think of these things when we give the advise? Can you look far enough in the future enough to say you know if you do this then this will happen?
No we can't always predict the future of another person, remember the Serenity prayer?
But we can try to watch the patterns of a person and see if the advise is needed or not.
here are two examples of two different women that i have known for a LONG time and the changes that were made in their lives due to my advise:
We will call our first subject K:
K was married to a controlling/verbal abusive man that she had been with since highschool. After many years of watching her being controlled in ever aspect of life right down to her clothes decided that she was done with it all and with my help and advise she left him. In the 6 years that she has been divorced from him, she has turn the tables on him and has been using the crap out of him at the expense of her body and relapses of emotional instability, not a healthy thing. She was heavy into drugs for a while now just takes her normal meds but does smoke and drink while on them. She went in to a so so relationship with a man that progressively became dormant in himself which created stagnant intentions on both parts. AKA LAZINESS!!! Now in order for her to leave her house she has to resort to a glass of wine or her Anti-Anxiety medicine before she even steps out of the house.
Then there is subject #2 we will call her T :
T had a cheating husband that would call her in the middle of the night to let her know that he was not coming home while another women was in his arms. After a while she was fed up with his tactics of cheating and realize she was better without him. However he left her with no self esteem and no confidence to do what she needed in order to get things done. So with a little help I gave her the tools she needed to get back on her feet and fight for what she needed.Now she is doing really good has a new husband who loves her very much and a baby on the way.
So what do theses two women have in common... Divorce! ah yes D-I-V-O-R-C-E!
Yes I know it is common thing these days... but there is more commonality then you think here... 1. both K & T had some form of abuse in the relationship 2. both were meek and both needed confidence and encouragement to get out.
So why did they turn out so different? Well considering that both married directly out of high school and married their high school "sweethearts" the only difference was one endured the marriage longer... SO tell me what went wrong?
IF it isn't obvious to you then let me help you....
It is THE WOMEN! ye that is right in all my bitching and dogging on men i have to say this time it is the women themselves. Due to the fact that one took the time to have fun and get to know who she is as well as gain the confidence in which she lost not to mention her hotness with my help!!!!
Now the other well she partied a little TOO hard and immediately jumped into another relationship and not a healthy one and that...
So now what.. how does a friend go about helping the messed up one... I mean i love her as my friend.. but i am sorry if you show up to my Birthday dinner all anti-anxiety up and drunk before you even get to the dinner... UM something is wrong here! I mean my other friend DON'T Need that stuff to enjoy life!!!!
Another Reason I don't hang out with people who do drugs... ARG!
So back to my original question.. did i do right by these two friends.. did i as a friend impact their lives?
The answer is YES! I did... but everything they did after that was all about them....
Friends can only help you so much.. it is up to you to do the rest..
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
The Endurance of one family
In recent Events, here at home, have given me an understanding in life that family can be made up of many different kinds of people. In my family, you can say that we are a Plethora of minds. NOT every family is perfect not every family can always look good on the outside. However, I can say that we are family indeed.
Through the trails of the past 7 months of heartache, joy, anger, disappointment, loss, separation, and endeavoring two peoples absurd behavior in whichhas cause children and adults pain and suffering.
Your probably reading this and going what the fuck is she talking about. Well here it is.
My family has been going through major changes all due to the choice of two people, one being a step-brother and the other his mom, who I have honestly never been close to and for good reasons too. So for the past 4 years my mother and i have had to sit back and watch and listen to the excuses that has to come out of my sister-in-law's mouth of her supposed clumsiness. When We all knew the truth of it. That He, I will call him A. Since it is appropriate initial for him, was abusing her in the all above category. We knew it, and we tried to say something but we heard the excuses, the lies but we saw it in her face and eyes not to talk about it or say a word.
So my mother and i did what we could we helped the kids out, my mother took on a lot of responsibility at the sake of her mental health as well. Me on the other hand took it upon my self to ensure that my own niche of the family was safe from the drugs, abuse and stupidity of A. I let it be known that i will NOT tolerate drugs on my property whether in the persons system or in possession.
You see here is the deal, I am not all high and mighty okay, I have smoke the occasional Marijuana, and once I accidental smoke some that was laced with PCP. Of course, I was sick and high for 10 hours, the sky never stop spinning and I was a emotional wreck. After years went by and my horrible Highschool experience with drugs. I moved to Michigan where my Cousins lived and found some of them were heavy into pot. Doing heavy laces of Drug because the stash they had wasn't cutting it for the "relaxation" high they seek. Pot and Cocaine were a normal part in their lives, and sadly mine too. I was around it no matter where I went or where I lived, it seemed i had a family member that was heavy into it. But i can tell you this, I have NEVER touch Cocaine other then during surgery as a Surgical Tech.
One another occasion being young and given the choice to smoke with them, I found my self in an Full bloom Asthma attack to the point I couldn't breath, with my heart racing and skipping beats,so fast that it could have jumped out of my chest. Spending 2 hours trying to calm my self because my cousin was "out" of it, finally getting to the hospital where I spent 2 days and having to explain to my, already disappointed, father was hard enough. Let alone facing the doctors and hearing that I have arrhythmia of the heart and the pot I smoked had some sort of spore on it that cause the allergic reaction to it. At that point I realized that I would NOT touch it every again.
So after months of getting the 3rd degree from my Father and (at the time) step mother. I had to Prove to them that I was fine. Dad watch me like a hawk on the weekends and she did on the weekdays. Not only for any further complications but also to ensure that I was not doing drugs period. But I can say at that moment I Decided to chose life, love, and family over drugs. Through My OWN Stupidity I learn a lesson that I will never forget. It's not worth Loosing your life over when you have SO much to live for.
Now here in the present We are dealing with Drugs again, but this time it is Much Worse. METH , A drug that can be created with a simple but deadly combination of over-the-counter medicines and a few supplies such as RAT POISON to make in a bath tub. A drug So BAD that if manufactured in apartment buildings could easily KILL the animals in and around the building. That Can Make children SO sick that they are in constant state of panic . It is SO bad that in my state they had to limit, take down and even make you hand your licenses over and sign for certain over the counter medications at the Pharmacy due to the idiocy of drug users that are making their own Meth. And A. has been smack in the middle of it for YEARS! Oh yes Just so you all know... He Not Only Helped in Manufacturing the shit, sold it, but also tested it on his DOG! A PIT BULL in fact. The dog was so bad that the animal shelter deemed him unfit to continue to live and put the dog down. Oh yes did i mention this was after he was arrested back in 2002 for this, first offense.. given 7 years of probation then turned loose in less then 2 years for "good" behavior.
Now it doesn't come to a surprise to me that as A. grew up his mother ,a Drug addict herself, enabled him to do said drugs and more. To treat women with disrespect and to do has he pleases. Making excuses for him along the way, for his behavior and hiding his addiction. Enabling him to continue with the shit he was doing...
Majority of Drug users who have children, tend to be more lenient in parenting doing what "feels" right and not what IS Right, to the point of encouragement when it comes to the use of drugs and life. I have seen this over and over again. There are the exceptions the ones that say NO and walk away from it all or endure the shit till they turn 18 and the high tale it out of dodge.
After many years of the same old shit from both A and his mother I was determine to stay as far away as i could, until my mom started mentally declining because of the words and actions of the both of them. I could take it much longer my mom was in NO shape to fight the fight. So I stepped in on several occasions, and it wasn't pretty. (we have a saying here in the family, if Amber Gets involved everybody better run) Yes, I will admit it made matters worse. But I wasn't going to be another one of those people that catered to them just to keep Peace. NO way NOT my style. If I don't like what you are doing ESPECIALLY if it is HURTING MY family. NOPE that is NOT how things go. I will come out with shooting then ask later, if your lucky I might ask later.
So Now here we are in the present of this and to just let everyone know, that justice has yet to set in for A. However in the blur of everything I have to say I am proud of my mother for standing up to his mother and letting her know enough is enough. The Grandchildren are safe and away from him. But Unfortunately NOT all the kids in the family are safe from harm.
It has been a LONG 14 years of watching the spiraling down of two families torn due to someones CHOICE. To live and hurt those around them all because they can't get enough of drugs or have the NEED to make themselves "feel" better, at whatever and Who-so-ever's cost. That includes making others feel "less than" in every way. Not To Mention the "Everyone owes ME everything and I DON'T Owe you shit" attitude getting worse as things progress.
Due to this Choice here are just the tip of some of the things he has done:
A. has and still treats my mother like a second rated and has for MANY years, backed her up in the corner several times,stolen from pretty much everyone in the family, bowed up to HIS OWN father and slapped his OWN mother. Not to mention, said profanities to me, the twins (his own sisters) as well as treated me like a sex symbol when he talked about me to his friends, YUCK!
The Worse of it all.. MY other step-brother (the one that has gotten the most shit from A) got his ass BEAT In trying to defend A.'s own Wife because he was "macking" on another women while his wife was sleeping in the other room.
But what has this cost us...
It has cost the mental Declination of my mothers mind, dwindled her down to an emotion wreck after years of abuse her self from her second husband who rape, beat and verbally abused me as well as her. Cause the Emotion and physical abandonment to his oldest daughter, creating a child who is unsure of her future, and unwilling to face that all that she has gone through was because of him. Leaving my sister-in- law ( who more of a sister then he is of a brother) and his youngest child in emotional wreck, scared, with NO closure of why he put them through the bullshit of everything. Leaving the FAMILY to pick up the pieces of what is left and try to move on with our lives. That is what he has left. Leaving this family separated between siblings and families Pulling away the UNIT . ALL for the SAKE of wanting to "feel" good and Party with said drugs.
So now back to the present, I know I know i have gone back and forth from present to past, where on March 17 he, A., was arrested and thrown into jail for his now 3rd offense with drugs and his stupidity. However, this time everyone is broke and no one wants to deal with him. My sister-in-law left him and is safe at least from his physical harm. But the damage is done, mentally. What he truly did to her both psychological as well and physical was ensure she is scared of him for the rest of her life. But we are hoping for the better, we are hoping that she doesn't let that detour her from living and fighting.
The damage has been done to all the kids and adults that have had to enduring his shit, Including me. No, NOW just because I chose to stay as far away from him as possible doesn't mean shit. Nightmares, tension headaches, migraines, body so tense that i can't hardly eat, sleep or even want to get out of bed some days, all because I am In a way being Forced to deal with the remaining shit from my own abuse at the same time being strong for my family.
So now hear I am tense, and ready to scream, wanting to just crawl back inside myself and forget everything ever happen. But I know I can't , NOR will I. Even after 15 years after my abuse stopped, I failed to see that even though I might have barely made it through others didn't. Other people in my family are still suffering from the past and it is created a breakdown in the system. Especially in the monarchy of the family.
So now as of 4/8/2010 at 10:07 am A. was bonded out by a NON-family member. I didn't receiv the information till 9:33 pm via txt from my mother on the same day.
Now all i can do is wait... wait and protect my family from him.
I wrote this blog in hopes that someone out there will read it and ask the question "is my drug use hurting the ones I love or the ones that Love me?" "Am I like that?"
Tell me How much Pain, Suffering, and "enduring" do we as people have to go through for those of YOU who CHOSE Drugs and all that comes with it, before you say enough is enough and get clean and Chose Family, love and life over the demons that posses you from YEARS of drugs, negativity and abuse to others around you.
Tell Me Please from a women who has had to endure watching this all my life... Can you Please Tell me HOW MUCH....
And What WILL YOU CHOSE....
LIFE, LOVE, AND FAMILY OR DRUGS, ABUSE, STEALING, AND EVERYTHING ELSE THAT COMES WITH IT?
Through the trails of the past 7 months of heartache, joy, anger, disappointment, loss, separation, and endeavoring two peoples absurd behavior in whichhas cause children and adults pain and suffering.
Your probably reading this and going what the fuck is she talking about. Well here it is.
My family has been going through major changes all due to the choice of two people, one being a step-brother and the other his mom, who I have honestly never been close to and for good reasons too. So for the past 4 years my mother and i have had to sit back and watch and listen to the excuses that has to come out of my sister-in-law's mouth of her supposed clumsiness. When We all knew the truth of it. That He, I will call him A. Since it is appropriate initial for him, was abusing her in the all above category. We knew it, and we tried to say something but we heard the excuses, the lies but we saw it in her face and eyes not to talk about it or say a word.
So my mother and i did what we could we helped the kids out, my mother took on a lot of responsibility at the sake of her mental health as well. Me on the other hand took it upon my self to ensure that my own niche of the family was safe from the drugs, abuse and stupidity of A. I let it be known that i will NOT tolerate drugs on my property whether in the persons system or in possession.
You see here is the deal, I am not all high and mighty okay, I have smoke the occasional Marijuana, and once I accidental smoke some that was laced with PCP. Of course, I was sick and high for 10 hours, the sky never stop spinning and I was a emotional wreck. After years went by and my horrible Highschool experience with drugs. I moved to Michigan where my Cousins lived and found some of them were heavy into pot. Doing heavy laces of Drug because the stash they had wasn't cutting it for the "relaxation" high they seek. Pot and Cocaine were a normal part in their lives, and sadly mine too. I was around it no matter where I went or where I lived, it seemed i had a family member that was heavy into it. But i can tell you this, I have NEVER touch Cocaine other then during surgery as a Surgical Tech.
One another occasion being young and given the choice to smoke with them, I found my self in an Full bloom Asthma attack to the point I couldn't breath, with my heart racing and skipping beats,so fast that it could have jumped out of my chest. Spending 2 hours trying to calm my self because my cousin was "out" of it, finally getting to the hospital where I spent 2 days and having to explain to my, already disappointed, father was hard enough. Let alone facing the doctors and hearing that I have arrhythmia of the heart and the pot I smoked had some sort of spore on it that cause the allergic reaction to it. At that point I realized that I would NOT touch it every again.
So after months of getting the 3rd degree from my Father and (at the time) step mother. I had to Prove to them that I was fine. Dad watch me like a hawk on the weekends and she did on the weekdays. Not only for any further complications but also to ensure that I was not doing drugs period. But I can say at that moment I Decided to chose life, love, and family over drugs. Through My OWN Stupidity I learn a lesson that I will never forget. It's not worth Loosing your life over when you have SO much to live for.
Now here in the present We are dealing with Drugs again, but this time it is Much Worse. METH , A drug that can be created with a simple but deadly combination of over-the-counter medicines and a few supplies such as RAT POISON to make in a bath tub. A drug So BAD that if manufactured in apartment buildings could easily KILL the animals in and around the building. That Can Make children SO sick that they are in constant state of panic . It is SO bad that in my state they had to limit, take down and even make you hand your licenses over and sign for certain over the counter medications at the Pharmacy due to the idiocy of drug users that are making their own Meth. And A. has been smack in the middle of it for YEARS! Oh yes Just so you all know... He Not Only Helped in Manufacturing the shit, sold it, but also tested it on his DOG! A PIT BULL in fact. The dog was so bad that the animal shelter deemed him unfit to continue to live and put the dog down. Oh yes did i mention this was after he was arrested back in 2002 for this, first offense.. given 7 years of probation then turned loose in less then 2 years for "good" behavior.
Now it doesn't come to a surprise to me that as A. grew up his mother ,a Drug addict herself, enabled him to do said drugs and more. To treat women with disrespect and to do has he pleases. Making excuses for him along the way, for his behavior and hiding his addiction. Enabling him to continue with the shit he was doing...
Majority of Drug users who have children, tend to be more lenient in parenting doing what "feels" right and not what IS Right, to the point of encouragement when it comes to the use of drugs and life. I have seen this over and over again. There are the exceptions the ones that say NO and walk away from it all or endure the shit till they turn 18 and the high tale it out of dodge.
After many years of the same old shit from both A and his mother I was determine to stay as far away as i could, until my mom started mentally declining because of the words and actions of the both of them. I could take it much longer my mom was in NO shape to fight the fight. So I stepped in on several occasions, and it wasn't pretty. (we have a saying here in the family, if Amber Gets involved everybody better run) Yes, I will admit it made matters worse. But I wasn't going to be another one of those people that catered to them just to keep Peace. NO way NOT my style. If I don't like what you are doing ESPECIALLY if it is HURTING MY family. NOPE that is NOT how things go. I will come out with shooting then ask later, if your lucky I might ask later.
So Now here we are in the present of this and to just let everyone know, that justice has yet to set in for A. However in the blur of everything I have to say I am proud of my mother for standing up to his mother and letting her know enough is enough. The Grandchildren are safe and away from him. But Unfortunately NOT all the kids in the family are safe from harm.
It has been a LONG 14 years of watching the spiraling down of two families torn due to someones CHOICE. To live and hurt those around them all because they can't get enough of drugs or have the NEED to make themselves "feel" better, at whatever and Who-so-ever's cost. That includes making others feel "less than" in every way. Not To Mention the "Everyone owes ME everything and I DON'T Owe you shit" attitude getting worse as things progress.
Due to this Choice here are just the tip of some of the things he has done:
A. has and still treats my mother like a second rated and has for MANY years, backed her up in the corner several times,stolen from pretty much everyone in the family, bowed up to HIS OWN father and slapped his OWN mother. Not to mention, said profanities to me, the twins (his own sisters) as well as treated me like a sex symbol when he talked about me to his friends, YUCK!
The Worse of it all.. MY other step-brother (the one that has gotten the most shit from A) got his ass BEAT In trying to defend A.'s own Wife because he was "macking" on another women while his wife was sleeping in the other room.
But what has this cost us...
It has cost the mental Declination of my mothers mind, dwindled her down to an emotion wreck after years of abuse her self from her second husband who rape, beat and verbally abused me as well as her. Cause the Emotion and physical abandonment to his oldest daughter, creating a child who is unsure of her future, and unwilling to face that all that she has gone through was because of him. Leaving my sister-in- law ( who more of a sister then he is of a brother) and his youngest child in emotional wreck, scared, with NO closure of why he put them through the bullshit of everything. Leaving the FAMILY to pick up the pieces of what is left and try to move on with our lives. That is what he has left. Leaving this family separated between siblings and families Pulling away the UNIT . ALL for the SAKE of wanting to "feel" good and Party with said drugs.
So now back to the present, I know I know i have gone back and forth from present to past, where on March 17 he, A., was arrested and thrown into jail for his now 3rd offense with drugs and his stupidity. However, this time everyone is broke and no one wants to deal with him. My sister-in-law left him and is safe at least from his physical harm. But the damage is done, mentally. What he truly did to her both psychological as well and physical was ensure she is scared of him for the rest of her life. But we are hoping for the better, we are hoping that she doesn't let that detour her from living and fighting.
The damage has been done to all the kids and adults that have had to enduring his shit, Including me. No, NOW just because I chose to stay as far away from him as possible doesn't mean shit. Nightmares, tension headaches, migraines, body so tense that i can't hardly eat, sleep or even want to get out of bed some days, all because I am In a way being Forced to deal with the remaining shit from my own abuse at the same time being strong for my family.
So now hear I am tense, and ready to scream, wanting to just crawl back inside myself and forget everything ever happen. But I know I can't , NOR will I. Even after 15 years after my abuse stopped, I failed to see that even though I might have barely made it through others didn't. Other people in my family are still suffering from the past and it is created a breakdown in the system. Especially in the monarchy of the family.
So now as of 4/8/2010 at 10:07 am A. was bonded out by a NON-family member. I didn't receiv the information till 9:33 pm via txt from my mother on the same day.
Now all i can do is wait... wait and protect my family from him.
I wrote this blog in hopes that someone out there will read it and ask the question "is my drug use hurting the ones I love or the ones that Love me?" "Am I like that?"
Tell me How much Pain, Suffering, and "enduring" do we as people have to go through for those of YOU who CHOSE Drugs and all that comes with it, before you say enough is enough and get clean and Chose Family, love and life over the demons that posses you from YEARS of drugs, negativity and abuse to others around you.
Tell Me Please from a women who has had to endure watching this all my life... Can you Please Tell me HOW MUCH....
And What WILL YOU CHOSE....
LIFE, LOVE, AND FAMILY OR DRUGS, ABUSE, STEALING, AND EVERYTHING ELSE THAT COMES WITH IT?
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