WAS I JUST EMOTIONAL RAPED?

I wanted to Go back and talk more about Emotional Blackmail and Emotional Rape.. I do not think that people actually think that these things exist.. but the do.. it can be as subtle as a guilt trip or to a extreme as threaten you with your love ones, your life or anything that you deem of worth.
So let me first give you the Definitions:

EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL - is a powerful form of manipulation in which blackmailers who are close to the victim threaten, either directly or indirectly, to punish them to get what they want. They may know the victim's vulnerabilities and their deepest secrets. They can be their parents, partners, bosses or coworkers, friends or lovers. No matter how much the blackmailer cares about the victim, they use this intimate knowledge to win their compliance
EMOTIONAL RAPE- is the theft of someone's higher emotions, such as love, without consent. However, in the case of emotional rape the lack of consent is contained in the fact that the individual is being lied to by the perpetrator.

Now that we have the definitions. Let us now explore the Characteristic of someone who would do these things
Without exception, victims describe two predominant characteristics of their rapists:

1. They are charismatic, attractive personalities, likely to be widely admired.
2) They can completely conceal their true, manipulative, power-seeking natures.


These two observations draw highlight one of the central features of Emotional Rape: it can happen to anyone.

The widely varying backgrounds and personalities of those who have become victims of emotional rapists demonstrate the danger in thinking that "It could never happen to me."
It is sometimes difficult to believe that no moral responsibility rests with the victim - because he or she was weak, naive, or otherwise "to blame" - but that it lies with the rapist, whose ability to conceal his or her true self and to present a false self with the intent of preying on others, is so practiced, so convincing,  that almost anyone could be deceived.

I wonder if you ever thought of your abuser or even a "supposed" friend or even a parent as a "perpetrator". Until recently I didn't think of it either. Till I realized that I can actually create boundaries that will help me to NOT be victimized by these people or by the situation.
What you say a BOUNDARY? What do you mean boundary... what is that?

Well let me explain what a Personal Boundary is.. It is A Boundary you set for your self to ensure that you don't get hurt, to Protect and to take care of ourselves. It is a way to be able to tell other that you don't like what they are doing as well as not acceptable to us.You have to understand and no that we have the RIGHT and the RESPONSIBILITIES as Humans to ensure that others don't take advantage or do things in which makes us uncomfortable.

So in recent events I had a female friend that may or may not have known she was overstepping my personal boundary. Boundaries that I didn't know i could set. That was my problem I didn't take the time out to set. Bad On my part.. But I am learning..

This is the WHOLE reason I am Writing this.. so that people understand that we all have a right to protect ourselves and understand that you can SAY NO!

Now I think i am hearing this... What if when you say no they say or do what they can to get the YES! Well that is when you have to just put up your boundaries more and just let them know that Your answer will be no no matter what they say or do.

There are the extreme Situations of abuse that you just have to get out of and I mean RUN if you can!
Other wise it if simply someone who pulls the lesser of the crime you can learn your boundary of what is acceptable to you. Examples you KNOW I LOVE them!!!

1. If you have a friend and she gets all huffy, as i like to call it going "high school" on you pulling the your not a good enough friend because....
2. and one of my favorties... If you had a choice you should go with so and so cause he would be better suited for you... i am not good enough
3. oh the "I am Not speaking to you cause"
All of these are to get you to do or say what they want to hear or do...

I Honestly don't care what you say or complain about.. When you are PUSHED, or MADE to feel a certain way it is RAPE! have you EVER actually looked up the word?
OH lets shall we!

RAPE- an act of plunder, violent seizure, or abuse; despoliation; violation.

Oh... did you see that.. it is an act of Plunder... to take with out permission... DO YOU THINK that it would apply to Emotions too! UM YES!!!! 

I was told once that when some says to you... well you won't do this for me because you don't love me IS consider a form of Emotional RAPE! Why you ask.. well because they are making you FEEL something you don't want to... 

Now let me tell you what i have learned... 

I learned that I can say I don't like how your treating me.. or express my true feelings without feeling like i can't tell someone how i truly feel with out being mean about it.. I think it is all in the Return of the words. The Presentation of how you say it that will help. But you know me i am not as tactful as some are.. so there for i come off harsher then others. 

I have also realized that when i am going through something I know i can talk to someone but generally i get pissy and blow people off... Instead I think i need to let people know that i am going through something and stop letting it steam and boil inside.. in other words... DON'T HOLD IT IN... BUT DON'T YELL about it.. TALK about it... 

So now he have had our education for the day.. I hope that you will all learn something new as well and STOP THE EMOTIONAL RAPE!!!!! WE ARE PEOPLE TOO AND WE MAKE MISTAKES!!!

A final word...

So here goes... Some of you know that i RP (Role Play). Yeah i know some of you will be like.. WTF? yeah what ever. okay.. here is the deal yeah i got my heart torn by it.. from a man who i thought was a friend... here is the what i have learned here... YOU CAN'T TRUST A MAN WHEN YOUR MARRIED!... Now there are a few exceptions to this.. And they know who they are.. but still.. most men will lead you astray and say or do what ever they can to make it look like it is  "greener on the other side" What you don't believe me? Then maybe you should take a step back and really listen to what they are saying... Hey lets have examples shall we!!!!

Example one: Oh I can bench press 200 pounds and fuck all night... I was Part of the Back stage Entourage of so and so's band

 Example 2: I make XX amount of money.. don't worry baby i will take good care of you

Do you see where i am getting.. making them selves out to be better then what you have or don't have... doing things that will encourage you to go their way.. Or Pulling the Emotional Black mail/Rape to ensure that you will say what they want to hear. 

So now this is what i have to say... Women Keep you eyes and ears open.. unless you SEE it with your own eyes and I mean like the Proof of what he says not just a picture or his words.. DON'T BELIEVE THEM!!!!

Know here is the kicker.. DON'T and i Mean DO NOT invest all of you in that person.. you have to step back and think about things.. don't take everything that they say to heart.  Men will do ANYTHING to get what they want. They can be manipulating, secretive and well just out right liars...

Now I know you are thinking what does this have to do with RP... well that is the WORSE place in the world to "meet" men... Look it is Acting.. that all it is.. But when  the drama and the emotions effect your Real Life then you need to either 1. stop because it will leave you mental or 2 Learn that it is just acting!!! your playing a ROLE that requires your emotions to react BUT NOT to take to HEART! why are you even Bother to INVEST all of your emotions is to a PLAY!!! I mean come on.. would you invest your entire emotions in a book or in a movie that you just read or watched? No... you wouldn't.. you would enjoy the time that you got to be with it and then move on... well that is Basically what you should do with RP.

Now one thing that RP has done for me is help me be creative... gave me an outlet to be someone that is a part of me... and to help write a book and some short stories.

I am here to tell you that yes i did make that mistake of investing myself in a friendship that ended in disaster and I ended up getting very hurt over it.. But I have to say that in the end it made me stronger and I got some GREAT friends out of it...ones that stuck by be and helped me out... that didn't judge me for me or try to manipulate me or try to change me.

A friend said to me... You have learned so much in this last year and have grown .... let life be life and he is right.. instead of Focusing on what he did to me.. I need to let life be life , focus on the Positive outcome  and learn from my mistakes... everything happens for a reason... and ever reason happens... That is very true.. think about it.. I know you can do it...

So After all the outcome of it all..all the growing the learning about myself and realizing of the shit my life was and how much better it got with accepting love in and my family and my friends.... Why should i let something a year ago effect me.. why should I let something that happen 10 years ago effect me... well i have one answer.. I didn't let it go.. I didn't accept it for what it is.. something that happened... an event that changed the course of my life either for the better or for the worse..

It is one thing to accept it happened.. but for women and MEN it is another to let it go ... to understand the benefits of it ... or the Problems that occurred because of it.. and just learn and let go... Yeah i know .. some of you probably say You hold grudges for YEARS ... but WHY? I mean really? Why would you want to hold on to something.. all you are doing is just keeping all that negative inside... You know Chinese Proverb says... If you hold to negative you leave no room for good to come in...

Oh so true... ... my other favorite that I am LEARNING... is .. If you think negative, you talk negative and you allow negative to take over... then only negative to will stay with you...and only negative things will happen to you... SOOOOO.... what do you think you need to do? mmmm Well I would THINK to Think positively and all the above! oh.. and a word of advise.. If you flush out the negative you have to replace it with something.. or you leave an empty whole.. yeap.. i said it.. you will leave an empty hole to be filled with .. you guess it.. even MORE and REALLY BAD Negativity..

So here is my way of pulling out the negative of what happen and putting positive back in...

 Yeah all that shit happen... *Kicks it out the door* now its gone and I say thank you.. thank you for kicking my but and doing what you did so that I could find the Best Male friend I could ever have.. and the Best RP  family i could ever find.. and the BEST Girl friends that I thought it was NEVER possible for me to actually get along with other women... yes that is the Best thing could ever happen... and thank you for getting the ball rolling I would have never had the opportunity to really go threw the changes and the growth that i needed to become the women i am today.. The Creative, caring, accepting of love and friendship, the person who listens, watches and really sees threw things... and the Person that has Finally gotten over the abuse that i went through.. and Finally got to reconnect to her husband again... So Thank you...